Feeling Like Giving Up
Surprisingly (to me, anyway), shortly after I decided to take some action to fill my downtime (from a slow business cycle in my law practice) by blogging both personally and professionally, things suddenly got very busy at the office. I'm not complaining, believe me. It's a relief to have plenty of work again. I hope it stays that way.
But it is frustrating to watch myself, year after year, do everything except the things that I dream about. I am diligent at work, fairly disciplined in my workouts. But I don't write, and I don't ride. And those are the two things I dream about building my life around. Starting this blog was a nod to the first of those, an outlet in which I could write in little segments. But I haven't been able to get myself here with anything that even remotely resembles regularity.
Why is it so hard to make myself do the things that matter so much to me? Why can I maintain a reputation as a lawyer who always gets the job done, no matter the cost, but I can't carve out the time and energy to write? And I've got this great farm with an arena that my husband built for me, but I don't get out there to ride my horses. Aargh.
Am I the only one who struggles with this? No. I know I'm not. But it's making me crazy. I turned 49 this year. I'm running out of time to see my dreams realized. At least the dreams related to writing and riding.
What will it take to get me off the dime?
I guess I should give myself credit for the fact that today I pulled up a novel I started a couple of months ago and added several pages to it. But I sure do need to be more consistent.